STOP IT NOW!!!!!!! There are ways that we as wives of a recovering sex offender can still help break the cycles. Use the evil that has happened in our family lives for the good of others, so other mothers and wives do not have to go through this terrible experience... By educating other mothers and wives, we are "sowing" into their lives ...Here's how click on the links below:
STOP IT NOW!!!!!!!
http://www.stopitnow.org/get_involved
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Exposure
I am going to give a little of details about who I am and why I have decided to seek out other wives who may be going through the same things in their lives with there husbands and partners. I know the darkest side of life is difficult to go through on your own and due to some people who may not have to walk in my shoes. They cannot begin to understand how it can affect someone emotionally and not to mention the trauma that they experience in being a partner or family members of a sex offender.
I have experience both sides of it as a sexually abused victim which started at age of 12. I have been multiple abused by close relatives and family friends. During my childhood only one of my abusers who was a relative, have actually been sentence and had to go through life as a registered offender. I have since then forgive my abusers, learning in counseling that it was for myself more than the abusers.
I have been "reborn again" both in my spiritual walk with God and in life, to be able to finally have a relationship with God helped me to built on having other good relationships. It was the first seed I planted in my life to give me a new start. I had went through the rough time with my identity, which led me to have a destructive spirit and how I viewed myself. In the process I had children at a young age of 17 by the age of 19 I was a mother of two. As I stated I have learned to forgive my abusers for my benefit however, I did not forget.
At the age of 26 I was mature more than where I was spiritually and mentally. I have gotten married and was very opened about my childhood experience with my husband. I was opened with him due to the fact that I had children coming into a relationship with him and because of my childhood experience I know that sexual abuse can happen even when you trust someone... and it can happen when you love someone.It can happen to the best of people and the worst of people. It has no discrimination of the type of work you are involved in , as an example my abusers consisted of a police officer, a pastor, and a musician. I took precautions with my children by talking with them about what was not acceptable touching and if they are uncomfortable to tell someone. I shared my experience of sexual abuse with my children in hope that they can understand that it can be done even by our close love ones or a family friends. Even though the precautions where taken sometimes it can still happen. It something that we do not have control over.
I do believe however that educating our children gives them a type of resource or arms them to know what to do if it were to happen. This also can help with some prevention's but in my case I may be one of the few cases that prevention is not always better than cure. Even though you may take precautions always try to be aware of your gut feelings that is given to you for your best interest.
I started this blog group for all the wives out there who are maybe feeling alone, isolated, and would like to share there thoughts and encouragement with other fellow sex offender wives. It has also been helpful to attend group programs set up for the sex offender which can help educate us to recognize, their cognitive, thinking cycles, and stresses that can trigger them to relapse in the behaviors.
I realized that in the process of our recovering husbands the wives and family members are overlooked in the areas where it counts and that's the trauma, emotional stress due to neighbors ,co-workers, and the loss of friends. In the grieving process of their world turning into a nightmare that doesn't go away when you wake up. Having to live through it creating them to be victims not just by the offenders but by society who thinks that they are part of the abuser offense for choosing to stay
in the relationship with the offender.
I think that no one can help the wives more than those who have walked in their shoes. All maybe at different journeying level but pretty much is on the same road of hope, to recovery and restoration mentally,physically and spiritually. In order to be effective in our support to our husband we need to be on the receiving end of the right kind of support. We cannot give what we do not have...and you deserve to not be overlooked mentally, emotionally and spiritually as a wife of a recovering sex offender.
I have experience both sides of it as a sexually abused victim which started at age of 12. I have been multiple abused by close relatives and family friends. During my childhood only one of my abusers who was a relative, have actually been sentence and had to go through life as a registered offender. I have since then forgive my abusers, learning in counseling that it was for myself more than the abusers.
I have been "reborn again" both in my spiritual walk with God and in life, to be able to finally have a relationship with God helped me to built on having other good relationships. It was the first seed I planted in my life to give me a new start. I had went through the rough time with my identity, which led me to have a destructive spirit and how I viewed myself. In the process I had children at a young age of 17 by the age of 19 I was a mother of two. As I stated I have learned to forgive my abusers for my benefit however, I did not forget.
At the age of 26 I was mature more than where I was spiritually and mentally. I have gotten married and was very opened about my childhood experience with my husband. I was opened with him due to the fact that I had children coming into a relationship with him and because of my childhood experience I know that sexual abuse can happen even when you trust someone... and it can happen when you love someone.It can happen to the best of people and the worst of people. It has no discrimination of the type of work you are involved in , as an example my abusers consisted of a police officer, a pastor, and a musician. I took precautions with my children by talking with them about what was not acceptable touching and if they are uncomfortable to tell someone. I shared my experience of sexual abuse with my children in hope that they can understand that it can be done even by our close love ones or a family friends. Even though the precautions where taken sometimes it can still happen. It something that we do not have control over.
I do believe however that educating our children gives them a type of resource or arms them to know what to do if it were to happen. This also can help with some prevention's but in my case I may be one of the few cases that prevention is not always better than cure. Even though you may take precautions always try to be aware of your gut feelings that is given to you for your best interest.
I started this blog group for all the wives out there who are maybe feeling alone, isolated, and would like to share there thoughts and encouragement with other fellow sex offender wives. It has also been helpful to attend group programs set up for the sex offender which can help educate us to recognize, their cognitive, thinking cycles, and stresses that can trigger them to relapse in the behaviors.
I realized that in the process of our recovering husbands the wives and family members are overlooked in the areas where it counts and that's the trauma, emotional stress due to neighbors ,co-workers, and the loss of friends. In the grieving process of their world turning into a nightmare that doesn't go away when you wake up. Having to live through it creating them to be victims not just by the offenders but by society who thinks that they are part of the abuser offense for choosing to stay
in the relationship with the offender.
I think that no one can help the wives more than those who have walked in their shoes. All maybe at different journeying level but pretty much is on the same road of hope, to recovery and restoration mentally,physically and spiritually. In order to be effective in our support to our husband we need to be on the receiving end of the right kind of support. We cannot give what we do not have...and you deserve to not be overlooked mentally, emotionally and spiritually as a wife of a recovering sex offender.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)